Dr. Meredith Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we hadn’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying. from the television show, “Grey’s Anatomy”
Now, not only do I happen to be a Grey’s Anatomy fan, and get something valuable out of the message nearly every time I watch it, but I love the way this quote links fear with procrastination. Sometimes we use fear to validate our procrastination. Sometimes, we use procrastination to stave off our fears. The minute you take action toward something you are afraid of — even the tiniest micro-step — you are instantly moving beyond procrastination. The less procrastination you have to beat yourself up about, the less you have to fear.
I have always loved this definition of fear: F.E.A.R.: False Evidence Appearing Real. True, there are some fears based in reality. If you experience fear about jumping out of an airplane, riding on a motorcycle, or going to war, those are “rational” fears, as those are things that could threaten your very survival. Most of the fears we deal with on a daily basis are “irrational,” and not based in reality; they are based on our interpretation of experiences, and ways to avoid feeling hurt by them in the future. Fear of the unknown is the most unfounded of all, since how could you know what to be afraid of, if you don’t even know what will happen if you take action?
One technique that I found particularly helpful during a difficult time years ago, was from a book I read called Spiritual Divorce, by Debbie Ford. (It is a great read about transition and moving on from any obstacle, even if you are not going through a divorce.) She suggests to think of the worst. You think of the worst that could happen if you take a particular action. You walk yourself through the steps. She poses that simply breaking down your fears of the worst possible outcome give you freedom to accept the worst, and to make a choice and move forward.
Being afraid is valid. Being afraid is human. Being afraid is not a “reason” to not act. Simply resigning yourself to being afraid, and not giving yourself the opportunity to take action toward something you desire is selling yourself short. If you want to be in a relationship, but you are afraid you will get hurt, take at least one small action toward having what you want. Step by step, the fear will lessen. You will gain confidence.
I remember being a child, and having a fear of swallowing medication or vitamins. I was terrified I would choke. My pediatrician told me to try swallowing m & m’s™ candy pieces, because those were chocolate, and those “couldn’t hurt me.” Even at 10, I was hip to his reverse psychology. I resisted. I took liquids, chewables, and crushed pills. Then, years later, as an adult, I began taking supplements for my health. Somehow, some way, I got myself to swallow the pills. Now, I can swallow multiple pills at one time. I don’t even remember what it felt like to be so afraid to do this. I simply faced my fear one day, one step at a time.
I am definitely letting some of my fears dominate my time and attention lately. I have a fear related around not having enough, not being enough, or not doing enough. What would be the worst thing that could happen if my best was “not enough” for someone? I may get “fired,” or let go of? And then what would happen? I’d have to find another way to make income. And then I would. And then, I’d be completely okay in whatever new thing I chose. It’s much easier to face my fears when I approach them that way, instead of allowing them to consume me, approaching each interaction with anxiety.
I can go toward my dreams. I can boldly go forward, knowing that even if the worst were to happen, I’d adapt. I’d simply find a new way, a new path. I have amazing people supporting me in my life and I am very resourceful. I would probably do more than survive; I may even thrive.
Embrace your fears. Love them. Hug them. Know that you are not the only one that feels them. Know that it is completely okay to say you are afraid. It doesn’t make you “weak,” or “cowardly.” It just makes you know that you are living on the edge, and that you are alive.
* Inspired by this post from one of my favorite fellow bloggers, Leo Baubata: http://zenhabits.net/fearfuel/ “When you find the strength to act in the face of uncertainty, you till the soil of genius.” Jonathan Fields, Author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance
